1/23/2024 0 Comments Equally downcast![]() ![]() She knows what’s it like to feel as if the whole world is against one, to be an outcast and not seen beyond the exterior appearance. From the day he told her she was not alone. She doesn’t love him – not that way, but perhaps like the voice within pointed out and despite her reservations, because she does care for him. But she also knows that the centuries had ravaged his heart with anger and distrust in the mix of a broken pride and it would take years for anyone to help the broken soul to mend itself – yet if no one even tries to help, that soul will forever be lost with time as it had for Aleksander. He followed and she knew then that he was searching for a way to heal if only he knew how to.Įverything that Baghra told her – she will not lie to say it doesn’t bring a strong metallic distaste of revulsion and betrayal. Yet in that moment, he had let his guard down completely to let her lead him back. She was no absolution of course, his sins were his to bear and she could never, not even in a century, take away what he did in conjuring the Fold and after. She knows the shadows that envelope him and which he calls upon are his default line of defence from the years that hardened his heart, but when she had reached for his wrist in the war room of his and dispelled the darkness by emitting the light of her own – his eyes took on sheer unadulterated relief as if she was his redemption. She had glimpses of a man who was genuinely wounded by his past, who desired to protect others, who had lost people he cared about, and who had once thought of himself as eternally doomed to be alone. “You don’t care who suffers, as long as you win.”Īlina stares hard at him, as if daring him to prove her wrong – ‘ Saints, I want you to prove me wrong’. A way back from his years of wrath and amorality from his misconstrued notion of saving Ravka, and Grisha. She ploughs deep in, hoping that she could help him see a return. His expression contorts in silent aghast with his lips parting but no words pass them so she soldiers on. She shifts her gaze back at him in pure spite, and steps away from him before his fingers can even leave their warmth on her skin. Her hands place one of his onto her clavicle where she feels the reminder of his ravenous ambition and careless self-interest. Raging bitterness at his archaic beliefs sweeps into her heart and onto her tongue. It is not that long ago that she believes them to be the equilibrium Ravka could have without the Shadow Fold. She would fight with him, but not at the cost of gratuitous spilled blood and the benefit of perverse desires. She would fight for him, but not for the weaving threads of half-truths and hidden stories. “You could have made me your equal.” Alina chokes up. Maybe she is being naïve, or maybe she is just foolishly optimistic – ‘ or maybe because you care’ – the small voice in her heart screamed as she gazes down and admits what she thought they would have been and what she had saw for them. “We could have had this,” she breaths out, watching the callous and almost soulless eyes – almost because she knew she had once saw solicitude and regret in them, and searching for a sign of the Aleksander she thought he was, “all of it.”Īlina is running headlong into a cold, defensive wall that threatens to take her breath away, literally if she would let him, and she is terrified but it is something to be said. It wrenches at her from the inside knowing that he still couldn’t let her past his manipulation and deception, and that he is still cowering behind the blinding regret and wrath of his own shadows. She can tell that he wants to lie to her but the words that were just said, she knows that they are true though not to the extent she wants them to be. “And neither can I.” His voice breaks a little, as if he is trying to hold himself from breaking apart and releasing his innate response to draw up his shield of darkness. She watches as he swallows hard and the edges of his eyes turn a bloodshot red. ![]() “You cannot do this alone.” The insistence in his voice almost has her flinching. The polar opposites, the magnetic pull, and the unity within duality. She recognises the sensation and it runs wild within every crevice and depth of her being their powers respond to each other after all in nature’s law of balance. His thumbs unconsciously create soothing swirls on her trembling knuckles, easing the seismic effect that courses through her body. He takes her hands into his and her limbs betray her from moving away. ![]()
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